Want to Try a New Kink?
You’re a 1960s archeologist. And a man. Literally minding your own business, doing all the archeology things–raiding tombs, stealing artifacts, and feeling damn well pleased with yourself.
Living your best life in a world where BDSM is classified as a mental illness by the DSM (same as homosexuality BTW). Basically, if you’re into things outside of the ‘social norms,’ you’re considered a sexual deviant: defined as sexual preferences “considered harmful to the self or others”.
Then one day, you stumble upon an Etruscan cave dated 490 BC. Where you find the Tomb of Whipping (ohhh the horror). Your poor eyes are stained with the vision of a woman being flogged with a whip and hand during an erotic scenario. You realize people have been spanking their way to kinky goodness for the last two thousand years.
And why not?? Erotic spanking or impact play is rated in the top 5 sexual acts Americans are into, according to at least 24% of people surveyed in a 2018 study.
76% of people surveyed were definitely down to try new sexual acts.
If you’re one of those 3 out of 4 people willing to explore your curiosities, erotic spanking is a great addition to the bedroom. Or kitchen (I don’t judge).
Why does spanking feel so good?
It floods your body with happy hormones (dopamine, serotonin, endorphins).
Your brain loves the play on pleasure and pain–so combining them during your sexy time will enhance your excitement and physical arousal. You can feel a state of transcendence and enter a blissful headspace of ecstasy.
And your overall intimacy and bonding with your partner will increase. Win-Win!
Spanking for pleasure can feel naughty and a tiny bit taboo. Honestly, it’s the best gateway to other BDSM kinks if you or your partner aren’t into that sort of stuff.
Before your bottom is spanked, communication is key
Have an open and honest convo with your partner about erotic spanking–this is super important to a successful (and pleasurable) booty spanking experience.
How do you bring up erotic spanking? Try those conversation starters:
“I’d love it if you’d spank me during sex…Would this turn you on, too?”
“I think spanking is super sexy…What do you think?”
“Hey, babe, it would turn me on so much if you spanked me during sex…Would you be down to try it?”
Speak up during your play.
Your partner is doing this to give you pleasure, so do them (and yourself) a favor and speak up! If something isn’t working, say, “Babe, I’m so happy you’re into this, but you’re spanking me a little too hard. Can we slow down for a bit?” Or, if you’re loving a certain sensation, encourage them with a “Yes! This feels amazing” or “You’re so sexy, I’m so turned on right now.”
Safewords
These are non-sexual words used in the BDSM world to alert your partner when you’re not having a good time. Something hurts, you feel uncomfortable, or you need to stop playing.
Of course, we’ve all heard the phrase ‘pineapple’ thrown around, but the traffic-light system is a great intro to using safewords during your sexual experiences.
Red for ‘stop’ and yellow for ‘slow down.’
Rules of the booty
3 tips for a beginner’s guide to spanking:
Start softly. Begin by rubbing and warming up the spanking area–allowing all those happy hormones to flood your body. Start with light slapping, mixed with caressing and squeezing. As your pleasure increases, add in harder slaps and alternate with gentler ones.
Explore different sensations. Try out different angles–you might like a thud more than a sting (if thuds are your thing, the palm works best). Add in a paddle for more of a slap or a riding crop for those stingy sensations.
Remove jewelry. Don’t let rings, watches, or bracelets ruin your vibe. They may give you unnecessary pain or trauma to the skin. No Bueno.
The map of the slap
Your booty has four different play zones for your spanking pleasure: the top of your lower back, the sides close to your hips, the underside of your cheeks, and the middle section across your bottom.
Beginners should stick to the lower part of the butt-cheeks and upper thighs. And never slap someone directly on their tailbone or spine (because… OUCH!).
Remember to communicate which areas feel awesome or which areas are your “red zones”. It helps if your partner moves around the different zones. This gives you a break from a tender spot and adds a kinky surprise to the play.
If the erotic spanking of your butt gets a little boring, you can amp up the pleasure by adding spanks to your lady bits. Or if that’s too kinky–slaps to your upper back and shoulders give you incredible sensations.
Spanking goodies
Now here comes the fun part: exploring all the spanktastic goodies to increase the pleasure in your spanking adventures.
It’s super normal to start with the hand; it literally costs you nothing for your partner to give you a kinky hand-spanking session. Invite them to throw you over their knee. Or bend yourself over the side of the bed–for full access to your sexy rump.
Want a little erotic spanking foreplay? Go shopping!
Have a date night at your local Target to find all the tools for your naughty pleasure
Wooden spoons
Leather belts
Silicone Spatulas
12-inch rulers
Hairbrushes
Ping-pong paddles
Chunky dog rope chew toys
Leather gloves
Building your playtime treasure chest doesn’t require pricy BDSM gear.
You and your partner will get seriously turned on when exploring and fantasizing about all the kinky toys you can find.
Don’t forget to grab a tote to keep these in, something inconspicuous you can throw in your closet or under your bed for easy access.
What is aftercare?
Take care of your derriere, so you can play again! Aftercare is super important after your sensual spanking.
“Aftercare is the caretaking that is done by all parties involved after a sexual experience [in order] to check in emotionally and physically”- Irma Garcia, certified sex educator.
It’ll give you a space to unwind and decrease any feelings of sadness or shame (this is TOTALLY normal). Plus, you’ll feel super connected with your partner, and it’ll boost your intimacy.
Aftercare options for a spanked bottom
A tender booty massage or bath can help soothe and relax your body. Make sure you’re talking about your experiences: both likes and dislikes.
Here are a few good things to use:
Lotion. Seriously, don’t overthink this one. A simple lotion–vitamin E-based or with cocoa butter will feel amazing on your skin. It’ll keep you soft and supple for future play.
Arnica. If you don’t want too much bruising (because hello, small children)–this is your new best friend. You can take it orally or buy it as a cream to rub on your battered bottom. Vitamin K cream is good too.
Aloe Vera. This feels delightfully cooling on your spanked parts. Plus, it doubles as a moisturizer. Yay!
Now settle in for a good snuggle, watch your favorite shows, and snack on some comforting foods. And chug down a ton of H20.
Bottom (ahem) line ⬇
Erotic spanking is an easy intro to kinky sexual experiences in the bedroom. You don’t need fancy BDSM gizmos and gadgets to turn you on. You’ll find whozits and whatzits galore at your local Target (admit it, you sang this one).
Don’t forget to take care of your booty and your mind with a solid aftercare routine.
And most importantly…
Be creative. Explore your curiosities. And have great sex.
Want to explore a new sexual kink, but you don’t know where to begin? I can help! Ask me anything!
The Author
I'm Athena Gayle, also known as The Sex Copywriter. For more than five years, I’ve helped sextech and sexual wellness brands claim their voice in an industry that's often dismissed and misunderstood. I've tested over 1,000 intimacy products, partnered with brands like Arya and LeShaw Institute, and proven – repeatedly – that sex-positive marketing and positioning can be smart, professional, and wildly effective.